Puking to Santorum

February 28, 2012
By
Rick Santorum. Photo by Gage Skidmore

Rick Santorum. Photo by Gage Skidmore

Rick Santorum is having trouble keeping his food down. A statement made about religion and politics a long time ago gave him a sour stomach. The candidate for the Republican presidential nomination was speaking out in favor of religion in the public square on Sunday, and according to CBS News:

He was referring to a 1960 speech by then-presidential candidate John F. Kennedy on religion and governance, which Santorum said “makes me throw up.”

“Because the first line, first substantive line in the speech says, ‘I believe in America where the separation of church and state is absolute,’ the former Pennsylvania senator said. “You bet that makes you throw up.”

Santorum says he doesn’t believe in a rigid line between church and state, and he seems to be highly amenable to religion in political discourse. I presume he means his religion, since he believes that the laws of our country must comport with his god - all other religions need not apply. He said as much during this video starting at the 44:00 mark, at a republican forum in Iowa on Nov. 19, 2011. After watching it I started to feel a little nauseous myself.

Then I listened to this 2008 sermon – there is no better word to describe the talk – given by Santorum at Ave Maria University. It gave me so much abdominal pain that I almost had to stick my finger down my throat to void my stomach of this man’s foul platitudes.

The “father of lies” – Satan – is working his evil in America, Santorum says. His main target? Smart people. According to one academic who was able to stomach the homily:

What really shocked me was that the entire fall of mankind apparently is the fault of – wait for it – academics! Talk about some good old fashioned Catholic guilt!! Whoa! I am an academic (and an evolutionary psychologist at that, which probably makes me really evil). … I’ve been blamed for a lot of things, but the fall of mankind – I really didn’t know I had that sort of clout.

Only someone from the religious right can find merit in a lack of education and knowledge, but what would you expect from a man who has said that a rape victim should feel that a pregnancy from her assault should be considered a “gift from god.” (How’s your stomach holding up?)

Speaking of Santorum and his bizarre blessings, his 2008 speech featured him speaking at length about his premature son’s 1996 death. After a sonogram revealed a birth defect, the Santorum’s sought out the best doctors available – he was a senator with connections, after all. Their son died after an early birth due to an infection caused by a surgical procedure to save him. It’s clear who Santorum thinks was in control at the 20:00 minute mark of the audio:

Now, I gotta tell ya, at that point in time I looked up at god and said, “Hey, remember me? I’m the guy who’s out there doin’ your stuff. I’m the guy who’s come all the way around and doing your will, now. I’m the guy you should be patting on the back, not kicking in the butt. What’s goin on?” I was angry.

Santorum ceased being angry when he realized it was for god’s greater plan. Do you need to take a moment to vomit? What’s going on!? When god kills an innocent child, as he did to the Santorums, they inevitably glorify the experience. According to Santorum’s value system, god indiscriminately slaughters children on a daily basis, as the prevalence of miscarriages and birth defects attests, and Santorum praises the killer. Yet, when a rape victim desires to rid herself of a clump of cells, she is put through the further indignity of being branded a murderer.

This kind of intellectual feculance churns the bile most viciously. I can’t keep the food down when I listen to this man speak. He’s the perfect binge-and-purge diet program: he speaks, I puke. The pounds are falling off. It’s great. I look fabulous. If he does win the presidency he may have one – and only one – positive affect on the country: We’ll all be a lot thinner by the time his term in office is over.

Keep talking, Santorum, I’m going to the beach.

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